on having expectations again

Our disappointment causes us to guard our hearts and the hearts of those around us by lowering levels of expectation and, ultimately, faith.

Until you get real with God about your disappointment, you will struggle to really believe the truth about who He is, and it will be difficult to live with expectations in your heart.

—Naturally Supernatural by Gary Best

I went to the mountains last week to deal with the disappointments that were keeping my heart from dreaming again, the disappointments that stung like knives in my heart—keeping me hurting, far from a place of healing—as I realized the plethora of expectations that I had placed on coming back to this place I fell in love with six years ago, on the Father’s faithfulness, and (more than than anything else) on myself.

     I’m going back.

     I’m going to learn the language.

     I’m going to do this, and this, and that.

See the common denominator?

That’s exactly what had to break, that’s what had to be dashed.

I thought He was crushing my expectations, my hopes, my dreams. 

Really, He was crushing me.

I became the alabaster woman at His feet. Broken, poured out, worshipping feebly with tears as the only anointing I have. 

But now He has said: Your faith has saved you again. Go in peace.

Dreams are rising. Hopes are stirring. Expectations are stepping out, blinking in the bright sunlight of a fresh, new dawn.

And I find myself nervous for a moment. Should I feel this hopeful? this excited? I ask myself. 

Did God really promise you all this? the enemy slithers in, with the serpent’s age-old lie: Did God really say?

Yes. He did. And Yes. I will.

Because the common denominator has changed—my expectations are now in my God, not in myself.

     He’s bringing me back (again).

     He’s going to reteach me this language.

     He’s going to do abundantly more than all I can ask or imagine.

Abundance is coming, He’s said & He’s sung. To live in expectation—to live by faith—is to take Him at His Word, keep pressing in to what He is up to, not what I think I should do. Expectations centered upon me will fall short. Expectations centered upon Him, with open hands to His sovereignty and goodness, will be surpassed (especially when it's not looking likely...). That’s just who He is. 

He is the God who has dreams this big for us. And He’s inviting us to let go, let go of the dreams that seem unfulfilled, expectations that haven’t been met, and to trust Him for better dreams, higher expectations—grounded solely in His ability to make them come true, to meet them, to eclipse them.