I will not turn back.

You know when we are most vulnerable? When our walls tumble faster and with more ferocity? In excitement. In extravagance. In abundance. 

It's when you are stepping into the place of abundance that the enemy's whisper abounds:

turn back. turn back NOW.

These are his taunts, his fears, his insecurities, that have no where else to show up, than in the heart & mind of a child who has all of the rights to God that he never had. 

Satan doesn't like that because it is how God wants us to live. That's what God wants for us: ABUNDANCE. 

As someone who passed through a season of barrenness and is on the cusp of a valley of abundance, I can say that I have never felt the enemy's attack more closely or more deeply than right here. In anxiousness for the next season, full of hope. Last year, his attacks were superficial. Now the spiritual warfare is closer than ever before. Jesus, help me. 

I've been getting a lot of what most would term "good news" lately. A lot of doors are opening. This fall is looking sweet and full, because of some ways God is moving. 

Yet it also looks big. Huge. Giant. Like Goliath stands before me, the armor ill-fitting, the stones in the stream minuscule, being pushed ahead, trying to swallow my own fear while coming to terms with all the fear around me. 

I hear David's shaking voice to his king: "Let no one's heart fail because of this giant. I will fight."

Then, resilient, to his foe: "You've got weapons; I have the living God of armies, whom you have defied. He'll give you into my hand. You will fall defeated. That all may know that there is a God here--the God of all gods, who saves not with mortal weapons, who already has this battle in hand--He will give you into the hands of his people." 

And there, in bold, is the purpose here. That all may know Him. Not me, not the church, but HIM. 

Abundance is from him and for him. So I will not turn back. The wilderness is no longer where he wants us. We didn't have it all together in Egypt, in chains. We won't have it all together here either. But he does. He holds it. He holds me. I will not struggle for release from his hand. 

I will not turn back.