In the midst of an old & a new year.

Tonight, in the midst of packing and pain, organizing scarves and shoes (the most plentiful things in my closet by far), following a delightful evening with my family at the movies (Lincoln--so very good!) and dinner, my mind wandered, as it so often does. But tonight is different, because it is New Year's Eve. My mind, even with the distractions of packing and movies and music, is fixated on this upcoming year and what it holds. So God orchestrated a certain song to come on in the middle of all of this and bring me to my knees to lay down my anxious anticipations and accept His peace to surpass my need to understand the ramifications of the year that lies behind and of the year that awaits.


"Called Me Higher" by All Sons & Daughters:



Lyrics:
I could just sit
I could just sit & wait
For all Your goodness
Hope to feel Your presence
And I could just stay
I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You
Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am
And never let You change me from the inside
And I could be safe, oh
I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home
Never let these walls down

But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I'll go where You will lead me, Lord
You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I'll go where You will lead me

And I could hold on
I could hold to who I am
And never let You change me from the inside
And I could be safe, oh
I could be safe here in Yours arms and never leave home
Never let these walls down

But You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I'll go where You will lead me, Lord

You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I'll go where You will lead me

And I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my life

So let Your mercy light the path before me

I'm craving a higher, a deeper calling as I approach 2013. To be lifted to new heights of joy and of love. To be lowered in humbleness and a deeper dependence. To keep in step with the Spirit in all things, not just 'spiritual' things. To continue to be refined and molded more into the likeness of Christ. To lose myself in Him. To listen more for His voice and insert my own less and less. To live a life of response to my God and my King.

My favorite line in this song is "I'll go where You will lead me." I love the language therein. It signifies a halting if it is not the Lord's leading. I really learned what that looks like this past year, as He alone led me on a journey [that is not yet finished], that had many halts and waits in it as I learned His voice and His hand and His path. I learned what it means to sing those words. Many of us would sing them, but not know what they mean, let alone ask the Spirit to apply the words to our hearts & lives. I may not have asked for 2012's many twists and turns and halts and waits. But words cannot describe my thankfulness for each moment. And yes, I said, each moment. Even Especially the harder ones. 

So, I'm claiming these words and asking for His mercy to light the path before me as this new year embarks. I do not know what all it holds, but my hands are wide open, because I know Who holds it all. My feet are shod with the readiness of the gospel. All I know, by grace, is that faith calls me to be assured of the things I hope for and certain of things not yet seen.

"If You say go, we will go. If You say wait, we will wait. If You say step out on the water, and they say it can't be done, we'll fix our eyes on You and we will come. Your ways are higher than our ways, and the plans that You have laid are good and true. If You call us to the fire, You will not withdraw Your hand. We'll gaze into the flames and look for You."