Larger life.

As I drove up to church, singing loudly along with "Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe, I was reminded of the many, many ways He has done just that over the past week. He has steadied my heart with brightly clouded skies, with news of what is ahead of me, with sweet friends who are excited with and for me, with little gifts like caramel macchiatos and pots & pans. With times of sweet worship in the midst of great pain and fatigue. With the joys found in community, with a sweet embrace from a stranger. With phone calls and secrets and soup and scarves. I could keep going for hours, but I'll refrain for a moment.

So I walked into church expected. I love getting to church early, sitting where I always sit, and prayer journaling. It's a routine that I cherish, and today was no exception. I began to journal about singing that song, how it was just a declaration of truth over my life right now. And the Spirit brought to my mind this phrase: "a place of abundance." It's from psalm 66. It is one that has meant a lot to me over the past few weeks, because of a tiny little word that precedes it. Here's it in context, with that crucial word italicized.

"Bless our God, O peoples;
let the sound of His praise be heard,
who has kept our soul among the living
and has not let our feet slip.
For You, O God, have tested us;
You have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
You laid a crushing burden on our backs;
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet You have brought us out to a place 
of abundance." (66:8-12)

This whole section hinges on that word. Look at all the uses of the word You, meaning God. He tested them. He tried them. He caused them to be captured. He laid that burden upon them. He allowed persecution from others to assail them. He allowed fire and water to consume His own. Yet. His sovereignty is perfect. Meaning, He can use anything and everything that He does or allows in our lives for His perfect will in us, which is making us more like Himself. Yet. Not in spite of. He's not saying that all those things don't matter. In fact, they matter greatly. He's saying that through it all, His good purpose prevails. Through it all--good, bad, or ugly--He brings us out to a place of abundance. Every single time.

I look back right now and see a lot of darkness. A lot of pain. A lot of sleepless nights. A lot of chaos. A lot of senseless things. 

But He sees how the Light of the World kept me going, even when I could not see Him. He sees how I shared in the sufferings of His Son. He sees how I cried out to Him every night. He saw through the chaos. He made sense of the senseless things. He gave me peace that surpassed the need to understand it all.

The sermon tonight was the first in a series looking at the Invitation in Luke 9:23. The call not just to believe (john 3:16), but to follow. To die to self. To carry a cross. The call that is for anyone. And anyone means anyone. Because we are all sick and in need of healing. And only Jesus offers us just that (Luke 5:31-32).

Then tonight, I open my Esther study, and what does Beth Moore begin raving about? Dying to self, of course. 

"Christ's purpose in calling us to deny ourselves is that we'd deny our selfishness, ambition, past, or any damaged emotions the right to cheat us out of His far higher plans for us." 

Then she points us to 2 Corinthians 4:10-11, one of my favorite passages from this year. She points us there to see exactly why we're called to this thing called "the crucified life." This was how I answered. Look at the word the Spirit drew my heart to:

'So that LIFE--true, abundant life found in Christ alone--may be revealed to the world by our mortal lives.'

God brings us into abundant life through Jesus. Jesus brings us "further up and further in" to abundant life through a crucified life. To make me more like Himself. So that others will see Him. So that others will truly know Him. This is abundance. This is true life. Found only in death. Death to everything except Jesus. Because He lives.

"Anytime God calls us to die, His purpose is to reveal larger life." 

"Come and hear, all you who fear God,
and I will tell what He has done for my soul.
I cried to Him with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;
But truly God has listened;
He has attended to the voice of my prayer.
Blessed be God,
because He has not rejected my prayer
or removed His steadfast love from me!" (66:16-20)