All I Know

I don't know a lot of things right now. I don't know where God is taking me. I don't know what He is up to. I don't know how He is working all this out for my good & His glory. I simply do. not. know. But thankfully, when we lay all of our unknowns at His feet and leave them there, He promises us peace. Not just any peace. His peace. Peace that surpasses our mind's need to have understanding-and therefore a sense of control-in the midst of it all (see Philippians 4:4-7). 

And thankfully, His Word is still true and still speaks. So, even with all of these unknowns crushing my weary heart, there are also many things that I do know. In no particular order, here are some of those high points.

Number One. 
One day, I will be going back to India. That was made abundantly and beautifully clear from the moment I stepped out of the airport into the sticky, humid air in Hyderabad. It felt like home. Literally, with a side of cheesy, it felt like home. Then our team leader, someone I had never met before that night, met me and said, "Do I know you? Have we already met?" I replied, knowing he had lived in Dubai, that maybe we had crossed paths there. "No, no, you were there before I was...You just look like you belong here." I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open. I was blown away. That story sums up the whole trip for me. Or if you would like it in a word: affirmation. 

Number Two.
After my initial rebellion of not studying the word as much as I should've been upon entering this season, the first book I really dove back into was the Psalms. If you've followed me on here, you saw how much psalm 40 meant to me.  If you are ever struggling physically, I highly recommend a deep reading & meditation of the psalms. Then of Job. Here are some verses that He is reminding me of right now that have come to mind a lot and that continue to be my prayer very often:

"Show me a sign of Your favor, that those who hate me may see and be put to shame, 

because You, LORD, have helped me and comforted me." -86:17

"Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love,

for in You I trust;

Make me know the way I should go,

for to You I lift up my soul." -143:8

"Your hands have made me and fashioned me;

give me understanding that I may learn Your commandments.

Those who fear You shall see me and rejoice,

because I have hoped in Your word.

I know, O LORD, that Your rules are righteous,

and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

Let your steadfast love comfort me 

according to Your promise to Your servant." -119:73-76

Number Three.

He is leading me. It may not feel like it, it may not look like it, but He is guiding my every step. How do I know this? Because I am His. He is the good shepherd. He will not lead me astray. He is in sovereign, amazing, good control of all of this. I don't feel that always. Sometimes all I can say in prayer is "What the heck, God?!" Literally. That's all I have sometimes. But, when it comes down to it, no matter what the circumstances look like or how foggy my mind gets with the what-ifs and whens and whys of life, He is the one in control of it all. This semester I've been studying Esther a lot. I'm in a small group going through the Beth Moore study, plus I'm listening to Mark Driscoll's sermon podcasts (Mars Hill Church out of Seattle) on the book. Esther is the absolute perfect book to study and really dig into with the Spirit when you don't know a lot. Because there's not a lot in the book. There's plenty of dry facts and static figures, but it's almost as if there isn't a heart. You have to look in yourself for that. There's also no mention of God in the entire book. It is as if He is not there. We, of course, know He is, but you have to wonder if the characters felt that absence so deeply that the author along with the Spirit of God purposefully left Him out of it. Of course they would feel the absence, because they were, in a very real sense in that context, far from Him. Though they claimed to be His, they did not return or even seemingly want to return to Jerusalem, where the Temple was being rebuilt in their days. Where His presence dwelt among His people. Yet, God works not just in spite of circumstances, but through them. Invisibly. Imperceptibly. Incredibly. Working out redemption for His people from the most unlikely of places, using the most unlikely of people. He is good like that. And is doing the same work in our lives even now, even in times of suffering and wandering in the desert. He is at work. He is leading me in His good & perfect work, and His timing of each and every step is perfect.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."
1 Peter 3:6-11 (ESV)