In the waiting, spend me.
I'm spent. In such a good way. I read a quote last night which said, "It is not our responsibility to FILL other peoples' cups, it's our job to EMPTY our own" (Andy Stanley). And I feel like I have indeed been emptied this week. I have barely allowed myself to have any time for myself (ie, I haven't worked out in a week and a half....and I'm SAD about it. For real). Which probably isn't good, but thank the Lord for the weekend. Even though I've got a take-home test which involves two essays to do today, I am still able to just sit in my bed for hours on end, interrupting the studying with good TV shows, blogging, writing, reading the Word, and just being. It's really refreshing. Yes, by tonight I'll have plans to meet up with at least one beautiful new friend, from Saudi Arabia (interesting fact to add here: the technical name for Saudi is KSA; who knew?). But for right now, it's just me, Jesus, homework, music, reading, etc. In my room, with the window open. Yes. This is my happy place.
This is my 100th post. That is really, really strange to me. But I'm using it to share something God taught me this morning as I read Psalm 138 &139. Read the latter below.
Psalm 139
O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
In my quiet time, I focused in on the last two verses ("Search me...lead me in the way everlasting"). I wrote out what David was seeing in God. He knows our every thought, word, and action. He knows our every move. We cannot hide from Him. God knows every thing about us because He made us; He knit us together in our mother's womb. He wrote every single detail of every single day of our lives out, before they came to be. God thinks about us constantly. And in the light of all this knowledge, David was becoming like God. He was hating the things God hates, feeling holy anger just as God feels it. But he still prayed at the end for God to know him, to test and to try him and his heart and his thoughts. He wants this relationship to be deeper, so He pleads for this--all to see what is or is not lining up with THE WAY, the everlasting way.
We aim for an everlasting way, and for that, we must have an eternal mindset. Yes, God wrote our days, but He put them in His own story. And true life is found when we switch our focus from our days to His. When we give up our story for His. How do we do that? How are we to be found in His story? We must be led by the Author.
This is hard. I'm stuck in the struggle of it right now, this waiting and praying to be led. Of daily having to claim Scripture over my life again and again to remind myself just WHO is in control and WHO is leading. It's all Him. I have traded my story in; why, then, am I still trying to steal the pen or turn the page (see Galatians 3:1-3; 4:8-9)? But we look to Him, the founder and perfecter of our faith, and we walk by that faith and hope, not by sight. "Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience" (Romans 8:24-25).
Hebrews 12:1-4
"...let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."
Psalm 138:8
"The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of Your hands."
Philippians 1:6
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus."
Also see Colossians 1:9-14. And Isaiah 40:31.
Lord, in the waiting, spend me. Plant me, mold me, use me, pour me out. This is how you lead. You use the here and now to point us to the future. Yet we keep our eyes on you, away from clocks and from towers and from lovers. For you are all that is worth it in this life, even above ministry, it's you. Just you. Keep our eyes on you. We walk in the light of you. In your light do we see light. We trust. We wait. We love. Let it be according to your will.
This is my 100th post. That is really, really strange to me. But I'm using it to share something God taught me this morning as I read Psalm 138 &139. Read the latter below.
Psalm 139
O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
In my quiet time, I focused in on the last two verses ("Search me...lead me in the way everlasting"). I wrote out what David was seeing in God. He knows our every thought, word, and action. He knows our every move. We cannot hide from Him. God knows every thing about us because He made us; He knit us together in our mother's womb. He wrote every single detail of every single day of our lives out, before they came to be. God thinks about us constantly. And in the light of all this knowledge, David was becoming like God. He was hating the things God hates, feeling holy anger just as God feels it. But he still prayed at the end for God to know him, to test and to try him and his heart and his thoughts. He wants this relationship to be deeper, so He pleads for this--all to see what is or is not lining up with THE WAY, the everlasting way.
We aim for an everlasting way, and for that, we must have an eternal mindset. Yes, God wrote our days, but He put them in His own story. And true life is found when we switch our focus from our days to His. When we give up our story for His. How do we do that? How are we to be found in His story? We must be led by the Author.
This is hard. I'm stuck in the struggle of it right now, this waiting and praying to be led. Of daily having to claim Scripture over my life again and again to remind myself just WHO is in control and WHO is leading. It's all Him. I have traded my story in; why, then, am I still trying to steal the pen or turn the page (see Galatians 3:1-3; 4:8-9)? But we look to Him, the founder and perfecter of our faith, and we walk by that faith and hope, not by sight. "Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience" (Romans 8:24-25).
Hebrews 12:1-4
"...let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."
Psalm 138:8
"The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of Your hands."
Philippians 1:6
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus."
Also see Colossians 1:9-14. And Isaiah 40:31.
Lord, in the waiting, spend me. Plant me, mold me, use me, pour me out. This is how you lead. You use the here and now to point us to the future. Yet we keep our eyes on you, away from clocks and from towers and from lovers. For you are all that is worth it in this life, even above ministry, it's you. Just you. Keep our eyes on you. We walk in the light of you. In your light do we see light. We trust. We wait. We love. Let it be according to your will.
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