promise fulfilled.
I sat with my knees drawn up to my chest, praying with the girls I'm living with here at training. We spent time adoring, confessing, thanking, and presenting our requests to the Father. As I began to ask the Father to strengthen my supervisors, my heart swelled for the people I'm about to live among, for the women I will soon meet.
"I long to know these women, Father. I long to share life with them. I long for them to know You intimately."
Tears come to my eyes even as I write these words. Because, as I felt this longing more deeply than I have before, God brought me back to His promise, made 5 years ago.
"Behold, I am with you, and will keep you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I've promised you." Genesis 28.15.
He spoke this word over me five years ago. And here we are.
Going back.
Promise fulfilled.
This place. This time. These weaknesses.
I cannot express the depth of emotions I feel right now. Being here at training has only compounded them all, as we face busy schedules and to-do lists. Don't get me wrong--I love being here. We're surrounded by like-minded friends, quickly becoming family. But our enemy loves being here, too. I feel so vulnerable. The Father has graciously answered my prayers for tears, but the lies of the enemy are strong. Certainly stronger than my ability to process through them.
But not, not, not ever stronger than our Father. Wow, not even close.
My favorite thing about being here is what we're calling "second breakfast." It's after some corporate time looking in the Word together, when we go get alone with the Father again. I have found a quiet corner near a glass door, with plenty of sunshine streaming in, and I put my headphones and listen to worship music.
I sit and I let the worship be louder than the lies. I open my hands, palms up, and set them on my knees. I lean my head toward the floor, leaning into His presence. I mouth the words (there are still a lot of people around even when we're alone). I let praise fill in the places that I don't know how to process through.
And I'm learning that this is enough. We've memorized together Mark 3.14, and the first directive Jesus gives His disciples, whom He also named apostles, is to be with him. That's more than enough. He is all we need. To get through the things we don't want to walk through as well as the things we are running toward with all joy. He is all we need.
"I long to know these women, Father. I long to share life with them. I long for them to know You intimately."
Tears come to my eyes even as I write these words. Because, as I felt this longing more deeply than I have before, God brought me back to His promise, made 5 years ago.
"Behold, I am with you, and will keep you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I've promised you." Genesis 28.15.
He spoke this word over me five years ago. And here we are.
Going back.
Promise fulfilled.
This place. This time. These weaknesses.
I cannot express the depth of emotions I feel right now. Being here at training has only compounded them all, as we face busy schedules and to-do lists. Don't get me wrong--I love being here. We're surrounded by like-minded friends, quickly becoming family. But our enemy loves being here, too. I feel so vulnerable. The Father has graciously answered my prayers for tears, but the lies of the enemy are strong. Certainly stronger than my ability to process through them.
But not, not, not ever stronger than our Father. Wow, not even close.
My favorite thing about being here is what we're calling "second breakfast." It's after some corporate time looking in the Word together, when we go get alone with the Father again. I have found a quiet corner near a glass door, with plenty of sunshine streaming in, and I put my headphones and listen to worship music.
I sit and I let the worship be louder than the lies. I open my hands, palms up, and set them on my knees. I lean my head toward the floor, leaning into His presence. I mouth the words (there are still a lot of people around even when we're alone). I let praise fill in the places that I don't know how to process through.
And I'm learning that this is enough. We've memorized together Mark 3.14, and the first directive Jesus gives His disciples, whom He also named apostles, is to be with him. That's more than enough. He is all we need. To get through the things we don't want to walk through as well as the things we are running toward with all joy. He is all we need.
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