widen your hearts
Three nights before graduation, my heart burst open. The tears took me straight to my knees as five years worth of emotions caught up with me in one rush. I cupped my face in my hands, I rocked back and forth, and I felt each moment wash over me. Solely because I had asked a few friends to pray for me, I fell asleep, only to wake up, brew some Frosty's Favorite coffee, sit down with my full, favorite mug in my usual spot...and breakdown again, thinking, "this routine. it's about to be over." This is how I debriefed it in my prayer journal: "I began not just to know, not just to feel, but to see the image that You [God] gave me several weeks ago/maybe even a few months ago: the image of my roots being uprooted. of the fruit and good branches being skimmed over as at harvest. And it is harvest. for others. for those you've used me among here over the past five years. But for me, it is pruning. it is pain. For me, it is loss and heartache and doubt and